I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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