do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
