Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
