please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
