Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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