I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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