Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
