remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You ruined the universe
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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