So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
