I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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