Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
