Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
