Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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