i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All the doctor said was why
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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