i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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