Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just high enough for therapy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
