I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
