I wanna passion pit in your ass
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
