I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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