Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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