I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
