I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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