I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All the doctor said was why
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
