this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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