There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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