it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
