Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
