I cockslap morals
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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