I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
love makes seman taste better
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize