I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
