So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
