my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
