by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
