dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
