I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
