I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
