singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
