He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize