i think my tv is drunk
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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