i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
