Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
