i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
