dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
