The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
