They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
