sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
false alarm, still single
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
