He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
