Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
