I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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