Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Drunk is not a location!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
