It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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