I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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