why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
