I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
