I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
