here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need a beard to bite.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
