Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sober January is a disaster.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
