YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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