It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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