My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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