she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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