I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
