there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
