I'm eating all of the evidence.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize