she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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