What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
