Swine flu. Run for my life!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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