I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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