You made me cry and you don't even care
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
