You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
